I never intended to be categorized as “spiritual” when I was a kid, I just had odd and inexplicable things happen to me. It meant I was either tapping into some superhuman capabilities, or I was a little crazy. I saw auras, had dreams about the future, visitations from deceased relatives (with the information confirmed later on), and experienced interesting time anomalies. I even accessed historical facts in my dreams that weren’t so commonly known which were so precise I could use landmarks to figure out how to get places with no map, and no physical address. It made no logical sense to my young mind. I would often have dreams rooted in physics and mathematical calculations that led me to believe everything is energy, and we live inside a big ocean of energy. I had this recurring longing to become ONE with … something… bigger than my personality, a part of this “collective soup” that had an energetic, blissful quality, which felt more like a musical note in harmony than anything else.
All that happened before I was 18 years old. No one in my family or in my circle of friends was the least bit scientific. And all happened light years before the advent of the internet mind you. So there was no logical explanation in my mind for any of it. It drove me to ask a lot of questions from a pragmatic and scientific as well as learning about world religions. But after discovering the book, “The Dancing Wu-Li Masters” I began studying the concepts of theoretical physics both through reading and my college courses.
I confess I had no aspirations of helping people, becoming a better or kinder person, making the world a better place, becoming enlightened, or any of the things that usually drive people to become “spiritual.” I just wanted to know why these things were happening to me and how to control or direct them. I needed to understand this odd longing to be ONE. Thus, I was off on my path of self-discovery and spiritual attainment.
My family history was a rough but not uncommon story. My father died of alcoholism when I was a little girl, and alcoholism continued to be a theme in my life. Luckily it opened the door to getting immersed in 12 step programs which opened the doors to learning how to turn challenges into deeply enriching personal growth. I can’t express enough gratitude for these programs. I found an amazing youth group with kids who had similar family issues and stepped into a world of personal development at the age of 11. That drove me to find my own therapist when I was 17, who became a key spiritual guide in my world. I remember sitting in his small office on a wooden chair in Danbury, CT timidly telling him, “Ok Tony. I have to tell you about these things that happen to me. If I am crazy, please have me locked up.” So, I told him about all of the unexplained metaphysical phenomena that happened to me, fully expecting him to sigh and tell me I needed a further psychological evaluation. Instead, he simply smiled and said “Don’t worry, you are in the right place.” It turns out he was one of the most evolved and aware souls I have ever met.
I remember being annoyed at all the “personal development” assignments he gave me because I really just wanted to learn to hone my psychic skills a bit better and understand them. But he encouraged me not to read any books about the subject, and to go within to find my answers. Nowadays, I am very grateful for that training. It taught me how to have an inner quiet world, and find answers to my questions about the nature of consciousness and how the universe operates. As the years went by I studied with him diligently. I learned the tools of meditation, introspection, integrating your shadow, finding your inner child, and how to integrate masculine and feminine energies. I also learned some nifty tools - the basics of how to read energy, remote viewing, dream interpretation, and the shamanic ability to get messages from my guides to help other people.
But back to spirituality. The evolution of my understanding of what it means to be “spiritual,” was very congruent with learning to trust a Higher Power. There was indeed a higher order at play. I continued to hunt for answers with my academic studies in physics, anthropology, and psychology while also training in kundalini yoga, martial arts, and various spiritual traditions. I traveled to sacred places around the world and studied with amazing souls. Along the way, I found myself having Kundalini Awakenings, conscious expansions, and experiences of Divine Bliss not understanding what was even happening to me. I just knew in these heightened states of consciousness that emerged from time to time that I had suddenly taken a great cognitive leap and “come back to myself”. That the connection to my soul was the doorway to unlocking further mysteries. It took some time to understand what had happened through the eyes of scientific research by talking to people and looking up articles and studies. From the results of my search at this time I find myself with a Liberal Arts B.A. with a minor in Transpersonal Psychology, a M.S. in Psychology with a concentration in social psychology, and a Kundalini Yoga Certification from IKTYA and even a Shamballa Healers Certification, and numerous more graduate-level courses in anthropology and social psychology, just because they provided the clues to my questions. And since the obsession continues, so does my education, in the Integrative Health program at Quantum University.
I suppose my form of spirituality is most closely related to asking: How, What and Why? How is this possible? Why is it possible to have anomalies in what is considered breaking the rules of linear reality? What larger organizing intelligence orchestrates this harmonized energy dance and how do I become more of a channel to its great vibratory note of ecstatic creative bliss? I found myself connected to everything. The more I found myself, the more I connected to other people and living creatures. The more my perception expands, the more I empathize with others and look forward to finding ways of having peaceful and creative exchanges. All the while, being a completely “normal” person who makes a living in the business world. I’m still a mom, who has to deal with life's usual challenges. Balance has become my best friend and I feel immensely free as a result of the journey that brought me here.
What I offer are ways to help you find a way to go within and answer your deepest questions yourself. I teach how you can elegantly swim in the river of existence and breakthrough what you thought were the rules of consciousness to fine-tune your awareness and elevate your capacity as a human being. You will need to let go of a lot of what you think you know about consciousness, spirituality, energy, and how the universe is constructed. Maintain a beginner's mind, yet be full of passion for the moment, passion for life, and freedom from limitations for what it means to be connected to the flow. This is your own personal flow, which is a part of the collective song of all life.